THE ALLEGIANCE OF MARY SUES ATTACKS!
by ninjamonkey
Summary: The title speaks for itself.....They are bent on making the men of Bayville fall in love with them. What will our poor X-men do? (Pg for the frying of Disney characters and Shandi the killer Boy Scout. READ AND REVIEW! ch.6 is up)
1. Frying and scheming

WARNING: This story contains short stupidness that is extremely random.  
  
AN: Um.........this is weird....let's call it the weird plot bunny. Yet another of my bizarre attempts at humor!  
  
THE ALLEGIANCE OF MARY SUES ATTACKS  
  
The sun rises over a big town called Bayville. As if on cue, three little birdys fly across our view, singing their happy little song. All is well.   
  
In a little cottage built right next to a huge mansion, a beautiful girl steps out of the door, swinging her basket as she goes. She begins to sing.  
  
"Little town, it's a quiet village...every day, like the one before!" She began to skip down the sidewalk, continuing her song. "Little town, full of little people, waking up to say...AHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
At that moment, a huge fire ball comes and burns the happy little Disney character to toast.   
  
And as she dies, she screams, "TIME TO SWITCH TO THIRD PERSON AND A DIFFERENT TENSE!" How sad it was, that she had to scream something about English Grammar in her last breath.  
  
"Amara! You just toasted that girl on the sidewalk!" Kurt, the blue fuzzy mutant known as Nightcrawler, stared in aghast at the now black toasted Belle who was running around screaming that she was dying.  
  
"Well it was her fault! People shouldn't be singing this early in the morning!" Amara grumpily leapt in the back of Scott's car next to Kitty and Kurt.  
  
"He's right, Amara. You can't go around toasting helpless little Disney characters." The older boy turned to glare at her, which was completely uneffective, considering his eyes were shrouded by his ruby optic glasses.   
  
Amara rolled her eyes and motioned for Scott to turn back around. "We need to get to school. Just cause you've graduated doesn't mean you can take your happy time getting us there."  
  
With that they rolled off into the distance, unaware to the perils that waited for them................  
  
For in a huge mansion on the other side of Bayville..........Okay, actually it looked like the Barbie dream mansion...............lay the most perilous of foes.  
  
DUHDUHDUH!  
  
A Largely extensive collection of allied Mary Sues bent on making the entire masculine contents of Bayville fall in love with them!  
  
Triple DUHDUHDUH!  
  
The council of five that lead them met in a large meeting room at the very top on the Barbie dream mansion. They sat at a huge round marble table and stared at eachother.  
  
The fifth in command had deep black hair. It curled around her, framing her perfectly shaped face. Her name was Galactia Winters. She was from China and had a traumatic past.   
  
The fourth in command was named Mandy. She was unimportant to this meeting, so she sat there and looked beautiful.  
  
The third in command was named Alicia Spears. She was identical to our all famous Brittany. She chewed her gum and twirled her hair. She had a traumatic past.  
  
The second in command had long eyelashes, curly red hair that flowed in the wind, and the perfect body. She was a Goth, and her whole point in life was to resist love, and then fall into it at some traumatic turning point. Her name was Kaylee Monera. She had a traumatic past.   
  
FINALLY..............The first in command sat in a large marble chair. She was amazingly beautiful, and the when the light hit her, it highlighted her best features, making her glow. She was a blonde (no duh). She was in all ways perfect. Her name was Mary Sue Johnson. She had....A TRAUMATIC PAST!  
  
"I call this meeting to order!" Mary Sue stood up and clapped the perfect clap to call her fellow Mary Sues to attention. "We are going to discuss our purpose in Bayville."  
  
"Get the men!" Mandy cried happily. She was soon thrown into the next room (which happened to be full of marshmellows, so she didn't die) by Mary Sue's powers of great telepathicness.  
  
"Anyhow, Galactia you are promoted. I want it clear ladies that there will be no speaking parts in this story if you are unimportant. All clear? MANDY?"  
  
"Yes, Capn'!" Mandy, cried from the next room. Mary rolled her eyes. Alicia chewed her gum. Kaylee nodded a perfect nod and then smiled a perfect smile, showing her perfectly white teeth.  
  
"We are here to make the men of Bayville fall madly in love with us. The masculine contents of Star Wars, Middle Earth, and Gotham City are in the other room. Now we must add the X-men to our collection of lovesick fools! AHAHHAHAHAHHA!"  
  
"OOOHOOOH! Can I go play cards with Legolas for the remainder of the story? He's hottt!" Mandy marched out of the room of marshmellows happily.   
  
"YES! NOW GET OUT OF HERE!"  
  
Mandy left.  
  
"Here are your assignments, girls. Galactia, take the third legion of Mary Sues and make the men of Bayville High fall in love with you. Alicia, you take the second legion of Mary Sues and attack the Brotherhod with your best WOMDTCM (Weapons of mass destruction to capture men)!!!! Kaylee, you will take the First legion and make the Acolytes fall for you! Is that clear, girls?"  
  
"YES MAAM!" The cried in unison.  
  
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU? I AM MARY SUE THE MAGNIFICENT! ADRESS ME SUCH YOU SHALL!" Screamed Mary Sue.  
  
"And what will you be doing, oh jewel of my eye?" Anakin Skywalker stood in the doorway, his arms linked with Mandy who was also holding on to a bedraggled, but always hot Legolas.  
  
"AUGH! NOT NOW MANDY!" She and the boys were thrown into the room of Marshmellows to play "Chutes and ladders" while drinking low fat carrot juice.  
  
"I! I WILL ATTACK THE X-MEN AND SINGLEHANDEDLY MAKE EVERY X-MAN FALL FOR ME! FOR I AM MARY SUE THE MAGNIFICENT! AHAHAHHAHAA!"   
  
AN: Thus ends the first chapter.....This is looking weird. Give me some good reviews! PLEASE! 


	2. Watch out Bayville High!

Ch.2 LOOK OUT BAYVILLE HIGH  
  
(AN: Well frankly, as usual, I have no idea where I am going. Beware of more randomnessess................This is short, and involves more toasting of Disney characters. Amara is on the rampage!)  
  
  
  
The halls of Bayville High were crowded, as it was the beginning of school. Kitty Pryde strode next to her best friend, Kurt Wagner. She was in a good mood. There were no tests to day in anything, which to her was just fine.   
  
Kurt opened the door for Kitty as they entered their first period class, American Government. The history teacher, Mrs. Nomma, sat at her desk with a less than pleasant look.  
  
Kitty took her seat and began to pull out her books. That was, until she noticed all the guys in her class surrounding a desk in the back. Kurt began to drift over there in curiosity. Kitty's eyes followed him, widening in surprise as his face expression went from wonder to absolute awe.   
  
FOR IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS SAT GALACTIA WINTERS, FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT FROM CHINA!   
  
All the boys had that huge googly eyed look that high school guys get when they see a Mary Sue. All the cheerleaders, nerds, and every other type of girl sat in the front in utter disgust.  
  
"Class, come to order, please." Mrs. Nomma stood and motioned for the boys to get back to their seats. It took them a while, but they were able to drag their drooling sad selves back to their desks.   
  
"I would like to introduce to you Galactia Winters, exchange student from China. Galactia, will you please come to the front?"   
  
All the boys cried, "OOH! AAH!"  
  
All the girls snarled and gnashed their teeth.  
  
Galactia reached the reached the front and smiled the perfect smile, which was both mysterious and wonderful.   
  
"Galactia, will you please introduce yourself to the class?"  
  
"Gladly, mam. My name is Galactia Winters."  
  
All the boys cried, "What a gorgeous name!"  
  
All the girls snarled and gnashed their teeth.  
  
Thus began the downfall of Bayville High.  
  
By lunchtime, every man in the school, including Principal Kelly and the janitor were madly in love with Galactia Winters. Little did they know, but outside the school, in an alley that just happened to be there, dressed in their official uniforms (which were red, tight, and of the body suit type), were the third legion of Mary Sues. Galactia would lure the men to follow her to that alley. All the men would be captured and put into the horrid collection of Mary Sue the magnificent.   
  
Yes, and they were all original characters, if you were wondering.  
  
At that same moment, Amara was sitting outside. She was busy studying for a test that she had right after lunch, when something startled her.  
  
Peaking out from behind a tree was a small woodland creature we like to know as Bambi. The little fuzzy dear crept towards her, looking for love and affection.  
  
Amara's eye tweaked. Her lips curled up into a snarl. She suddenly looked a lot like the Hulk. She was studying Trigonometry, and she hated Trig. Her hair flared up and her fingers curled out. She HATED stupid deer.  
  
And in that second the cute and fuzzy little woodland animal was toast. Amara smiled. She felt better.  
  
Kitty tied the last rope. Behind her she was dragging Kurt, Bobby, Jamie, Ray, Roberto, and every other X-men male that went to school with them.  
  
(Scott had graduated, and Evan is in the sewer. That's good too cause Evan is annoying.)  
  
Rogue, Amara, Rahne, Jubilee, and every other X girl stood next to her.   
  
Rogue suspiciously sniffed the air around Amara. "Ya fried anotha' Disney character, didn't ya?"  
  
"HE WAS INTERUPTING MY STUDIES!!!!!" Amara screamed throwing a huge flame into the air. Consequently, it went flying towards the ocean and fired a certain little singing mermaid.  
  
Rogue blinked. Kitty blinked. Everyone else present blinked. A cow mooed in the background.   
  
"ANYHOW, like, we should get these guys out of here before Galactia gets to them. She invited all the guys on a date to an alley for some reason, and it scares the bloody turnips out of me." Kitty began to drag the guys down the hall, the other X girls assisting her as she went.  
  
  
  
MEANWHILE.................  
  
"YES....my plan is working perfectly. Galactia is luring the men of Bayville High into the alley where the third legion is waiting to capture them. As for those X-boys, I'll get them later."  
  
Mary Sue the Magnificent stood on the porch of her grand Barbie mansion. She used her all Seeing Eye powers to view the events at the high school. Her beautiful face practically shone with evilness of all evilness. We are talking Major UBER evil here.   
  
"Actually, I think your plan is lame. L-A-M-E. Once you are done, all the girls of the fanfiction universe will come after you. It's not like there is some factory out there to produce Mary Sues. We have limited resources." Mary turned to find the ever so annoying Mandy standing in the doorway. Legolas stood beside her, looking ever so hot.  
  
Mary screamed in annoyance. Mandy flew up against the wall and sat there in pain. Mary turned to do it to the elf too, but decided it would ruin his perfect face.  
  
"MANDY! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING CHUTES AND LADDERS!!!!!! AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO HAVE A FACTORY OF MARY SUES! IT'S CALLED...." She paused as booming music play sin the background. "THE FACTORY OF MARY SUE PRODUCTION!"  
  
"Go figure." Mandy muttered and then jumped up happily. She left with Legolas.   
  
Mary Sue turned back to her evil plan to capture men.  
  
(AN: Yes, that was dumb, but oh well...........I need ideas!) 


	3. Charles does the hula!

AN: WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.... As we all know, Last time on "TAofMSA!" (Wow, I am a bum) Galactia lured the men of Bayville High into a trap. YEAH...................  
  
"And on today's news, five hundred men, all from Bayville High, mysteriously disappeared. We don't know why. This is an alarming event. The FBI is on it. The police are on it. Yet, they can't seem to find anything out about this mysterious disappearance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
The annoying news lady pushed her glasses up on her pointy nose. She cleared her throat and continued.  
  
"Some theories: They were abducted by extraterrestrial Amazon woman looking for husbands. Another theory is that they all caught a rare case of Tywanna-manna-oo-mikne-vurbulocis and passed away, their bodies evaporating in mere seconds. The most sensible theory is that they have been kidnapped. If so, we do not know what kind of horrendous person would do such a thing..." She continued to blabber on for another bloody hour.   
  
"Well, that was just bloody unnatural." Pyro stood up and turned off the television set. He ran a hand through his fiery, red hair.  
  
"AUGH! WHAT THE HOLY SALAMI ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Amara stood in the doorway to the living room of the X-mansion, staring indecorously at him.   
  
Pyro's face split into a wild grin.  
  
"Why, I was jus' waiten for you, love!" John spread his arms open in an embracing gesture. "An now that yer' 'ome, sheila, I am a 'appy man!"  
  
"First of all, my name is Amara. A-M-A-R-A. It's not love. It's not sheila. It's Amara. Second of all, if you call me that again, I may be forced to fry yet another poor unsuspecting Disney character. Third of all, this is not your home, and if the Professor gets home with Logan, Wolvie will rip you to shreds. So do yourself a favor and GET OUT!" Amara flared up in her full fiery form.   
  
Pyro grinned. "Sure, love. Wha'ever you say!"   
  
Amara screamed. She threw a fireball out of the window, which flew across the Atlantic Ocean, across the continent of Africa, and straight to Arabia, were it fried a poor, unsuspecting Aladdin.   
  
  
  
Pyro grinned ONCE AGAIN and ran towards the door. On his way out, he opened his Zippo lighter and sent her a flaming kiss.  
  
Which she of course abolished in a great oblivion of fire. Which burned down the living room. But no one was home, so no one had to know that.   
  
MEANWHILE.....  
  
"Charlie, remind me why we're here?" Logan strode next to Charles Xavier, Storm, and Beast. They were in the halls of an Arabian palace on a peace mission to find a dangerous mutant.   
  
The Princess Jasmine was very happy, because the mutants were here to save her from the other weird mutated lemur man that was haunting the palace.  
  
Suddenly, Jasmine ran into the room. "SOMEBODY FRIED MY BOYFRIEND!"  
  
Charles exchanged a look with his fellow mutants. "It looks like Spit fire is on the rampage again." Logan muttered.  
  
"I am sorry, Jasmine, but we must leave the world of Disney animation to go and save people back in Bayville. Something is abrew. I sense....." Then Charles passed out. Everyone gasped except for Logan, who rolled his eyes.  
  
"Next thing you know, I'm going to have to take care of a poodle."   
  
"CHARLES! WAKE UP!" Xavier awoke to find Storm over him, screaming really loud.   
  
"I'm awake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Charles sat up. "OH NO! NOT HER!"  
  
"Whatttttttttttt?????????????" Logan, Storm, and Beast said simultaneously. By the way, they are now on the X-jet heading home.  
  
"It's her! MARY SUE THE MAGNIFICENT! SHE'S BACK!"  
  
Charles then tied the Norwegian flag around his waist and did the hula. 


	4. KARATE!

AN: YES, it is me! No, I'm not insane. I'm just highly skitzo. Don't believe me? Read my other stuff. A lot of serious stuff. Yes yes.   
  
  
  
CH.4: A history revealed  
  
"Who the heck is Mary Sue the magnificent?" Storm asked, arching her eyebrow.   
  
Charles had stopped doing the hula, and was now sitting cross-legged on the floor. Except, being handicapped in a wheel chair, he shouldn't have been able to do that. But no one realized this, because all they had on their minds was Mary Sue.  
  
Charles tied the magical Norwegian flag around his head. He took a deep breath and began to make funny noises. "UUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.....UMMMMMMM."  
  
Logan, who had been impaling things on his claws, came up to Charles and stared at him. "Stop meditating, Chuck, and tell us!"  
  
Charles looked at him and smiled. "I had to calm myself first. This is a tale of horror and gruesomenessesss! It all started back when I was seventeen......"  
  
As if on cue, the picture faded out to reveal a baby Charles doing Calculus.   
  
"NOOOOO! That's too far back!"   
  
Immediately, it fast-forwarded to show a young man, about seventeen walking down a college hallway. He was handsome and smart looking. He was in his fourth year, being a genius since birth.   
  
When he walked into his class, he immediately stopped. For, in the front row, sat the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. She shyly glanced up at him, grinning.  
  
And suddenly, Charles began to narrate: "Well, her name was Mary Sue. She was the most wonderful girl I had ever met. We went out together, and were inseparable. But then, when we were old enough, I asked her to marry me."  
  
Now, we can see Charles kneeling down before the pretty girl. She stared at him. He stared at her, hopefully.   
  
Then she told him no. And he was very sad.  
  
"So she said no to me. BUT, she though I would still go out with her. Which, she had broken my heart, so I said no to her. Yeah, she was kinda dumb. But oh well. Anyhow, she disappeared for awhile. The next time I saw her was during the war."  
  
The picture flashes so that we see Charles running across a battlefield.  
  
It flashes again, and he is tied up inside a cell.  
  
"I swore I thought I was in a Nazi cell, but as it ended up...."  
  
Mary Sue walks into the picture. She is wearing a bright red cape and her eyes are big and crazy.   
  
"Hello, Charles. Remember me?"  
  
"Mary Sue..."  
  
  
  
"NO! It is I! MARY SUE THE MAGNIFICENT!"  
  
The picture fades out.  
  
"Well, anyhow, I escaped, and I never heard from her again. My guess is she's out for revenge. But...she had an eccentric mind pattern. I sense her back home. This could be UBER-bad." Charles finished his story, and the picture became clear so that we see our heroes sitting in a circle with Charles.  
  
"How did you do that?" Beast asked.  
  
"Do what?" Charles stood up.  
  
"The fading out picture thingy!" Logan leapt to his feet as well.  
  
"What fading out picture thingy?" Charles smiled goofily.  
  
"Never mind." Storm finished for the boys. "Professor, I've been meaning to ask you. How the heck can you stand up?!?"   
  
"Oh....hehhhehhehehhehhehehe..........." Charles grinned. "Well, you see, I'm not really handicapped. It was necessary for you to think that, so you would never learn of my secret karate arts of Kawaski!!!!!!!"  
  
"Chuck, YOU have secret arts of karate?" Logan stared at him, flabbergasted. Ororo stared at him. Hank stared at him.   
  
"Yes, you wanna see?" With that, Charles took his Norwegian flag of great magic, tied around his waist, and began to karate chop the interior of the X-jet, while performing back flips, somersaults, and other acrobatic moves.   
  
"Okay, that was just weird." Logan, Ororo, and Hank went back to the cockpit, leaving Charles to his karate. 


	5. The duckies cometh!

Ch.5  
  
(An: I have no idea where I'm going with this..............I don't own X-men)  
  
"Yo! Lance!"   
  
The chestnut-haired teenager looked up from eyeing the contents of the fridge. Toad hopped into the room, barely skidding to a halt in front of the other.  
  
"What'd you want?" Lance popped his soda open, emptying it in one gulp.   
  
"Yo, there's a buncha hot chicks outside the house, yo!" Toad hopped around the room in alarm.  
  
"So what the heck are we in here for? Let's go!" Lance almost ran outside when he was picked up by a green tongue.  
  
"Ya! Ya don' undastan'...Tha aw here ta kill uhs!" Toad screamed with his tongue around Lance's waist. Lance grabbed the tongue and flung it back at the poor mutant.  
  
"Say that again, you idiot!" Lance snarled, obviously in a bad mood like he always is...  
  
"Yo! You don't understand, yo! They are here to kill us, yo!" Toad hopped around in alarm. Lance rolled his eyes and went outside. A huge, gigantic pink poodle (that just happens to be a weapon of mass destruction to capture men) picked him up. Several Mary Sues, outside the house, laughed as they caught their first prey.  
  
"Dude, I warned you, yo!" Toad shivered and closed the door.   
  
  
  
  
  
Little Kurt was sitting on the floor in front of the TV. His blue fuzzy tail waved happily in the air as he watched "Fox and the Hound." Kitty came in and glanced at him.   
  
  
  
"Like, what are you watching, fuzzy?" Kitty asked, a bit of dread creeping into her voice. Kurt tossed her the box and continued to happily watch his movie. Kitty's eyes widened. "KURT! This is a Disney movie! Turn it off! Amara has not been in a very good mood lately if you know what I mean..."   
  
And then, as if life were against the poor blue fuzzy man, Amara walked in, already ablaze. "KITTY! WHO LET THAT STUPID AUSTRALIAN INTO THE HOUSE?"  
  
Kitty, scared out of her mind and fearing for poor Kurt, sunk in to the ground. Amara turned to the TV, about to ask Kurt the same question. Then she noticed what was on the TV.   
  
"NOOOOOOOO!!! DO NOT LET THAT EVIL ENTER MY DOMINION!"   
  
Amara swiftly burnt the TV up. The blue fuzzy man screamed and began to cry. Amara stared at him, an idea suddenly forming in her head...  
  
"You know Kurt, you remind me of them. You are so CUTE and FUZZY!!! I WILL INCINERATE YOU!!! AHAHAHHAHHAHAHA!"  
  
Kurt screamed a high-pitched girly scream. At that moment, Pyro skipped into the room. "Well, ello, sheila!"   
  
Kurt teleported away with a puff. Amara growled. "I WILL HUNT YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH!!!!"  
  
"Aye love! You ar' so 'ot!" Pyro cried with a stupid grin. Amara screamed in frustration. She aimed a fireball for the Atlantic, hoping to hit a certain Indian princess who had canoed a LITTLE bit too far out. However, she missed. Pocahontas was safe. FOR THE MOMENT.  
  
Unfortunately, the X-jet flew above the Indian princess at that moment.........  
  
  
  
Storm flicked a couple switches, driving the X-jet home. Suddenly a shrill scream sounded out.  
  
Charles ran in. Now, if you can imagine a burnt piece of bald chicken with a smoking magical Norwegian flag around it's waist, you know what Charles looked like.   
  
Storm screamed and jumped out the cockpit. Beast snorted and fainted. Logan stared after her, then at Charles the burnt chicken, then at Beast who was cowering on the floor in scared unconsciousness. Wolvie began to laugh.   
  
"AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA!" In fact, he laughed so hard that he accidentally hit a big red button. A mechanical voice came over the speakers.  
  
"Duckies away!"   
  
Logan stared at the speaker wondering what it meant. He shrugged and kept driving.........MEANWHILE....  
  
Storm fell through the air. She was so scared she forgot she knew how to fly.....so, obviously, she kept falling. She prayed for a miracle that she would live...  
  
That's when a ton of rubber duckies fell from the sky.   
  
"What the...well, I suppose it will do." Storm jumped on a ducky of unusual size and fell down to earth, hoping it would break her fall.  
  
  
  
Somewhere in the middle of Bayville, in a Barbie mansion, Mary Sue stared outside. She was bored, seeing as she only had 36% of the population of men in Bayville so far. She stepped out on her balcony when a rubber ducky fell on her head. She stared up. A million more duckies rained down. Here eyes grew really wide and dilated.   
  
Suddenly, Juggernaut ran down the sidewalk.   
  
"IT'S A SIGN! THE END IS NEAR! WE ARE BEING SWARMED BY DUCKIES!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
(AN: Anyhow, I need ideas..........) 


	6. Dirty Harry meets Mary Sue

AN: Man, it's been awhile.....But I had an inspiration this morning when I was brushing my teeth....Here goes.....  
  
Disclaimer: Well, obviously, I don't own X-men, because otherwise this wouldn't be here. I also don't own LOTR, Batman, Star Wars, or Hebrew National Hot Dogs.  
  
Mary Sue the Magnificent rubbed her hands together happily as she watched her minions bring all the men of Bayville High into her super duper storage room. She grinned evilly, and then went inside. She put her umbrella away as she entered the Barbie Mansion, because, you see, duckies were still pouring down everywhere.   
  
"It is time!!! I shall go and lure the X-men into my evillllll grasppp!!! AHAHHAHAHA!" She laughed maniacally. And then, a chipmunk hit her perfect head. She recovered quickly, and her eye got really big and flame-like. "MANDY! I KNOW YOU ARE HERE SOMEWHERE!!!!"  
  
At the top of the Grandiester staircase, Mandy sighed to herself. "Bloody telepath...." With that, she sauntered upstairs to go hang out with all the captured men.  
  
Mary Sue sighed, and strode towards the garage door. She went inside and stared in horror. Apparently, all the cars were in use. EXCEPT FOR ONE...  
  
"Oh, Mandy! My favorite little friend, where are you?"   
  
Mandy, who was currently playing poker with Legolas, Anakin, Principal Kelly, and Batman, looked exasperated.   
  
"You know, she is really obnoxious sometimes..."   
  
Mary Sue the Magnificent came up the stairs and saw the fivesome in the hallway. "Oh Mandy, my bestest friend, I need a favor." She smiled sweetly.  
  
"HO NO! I AM NOT CLEANING YOUR FOOT FUNGUS AGAIN!!!!" Mandy screamed, cowering behind Batman. All four men widened their eyes at once.   
  
"You have foot fungus?" They asked in unison.  
  
"Uh...hehe...uh no, Mandy is just crazy....I need to talk to her...COME ON, Mandy." She grabbed the other girl by the arm and dragged her downstairs.   
  
"What the heck do you want from me?"  
  
"I need to use your car. Really uber bad." Mary Sue explained.  
  
Mandy grinned a sly grin that was very sly in the slyest of ways. "OH HOHO! Well, I suppose I could let you...with some conditions, of course."  
  
"WHAT? JUST HURRY UP! I NEED TO GET TO THE X-MANSION RIGHT AWAY!" Mary Sue screamed, grabbing Mandy by the throat.  
  
"You have to be really nice to me." Mandy smiled as Mary Sue reluctantly let go. "Let see...What else? Oh yeah, you have to give me a life supply of Hebrew National hot dogs, the only kind of hot dog that's really a hot dog because it's kosher (That commercial makes me laugh. I don't know why.) AND, last but not least, you have to let me come with you."  
  
"Okay, so niceness, hot dogs, and...wait...COME WITH ME?" Mary Sue got all shiny and creepy like with evil glowing eyes. She was mad.  
  
"Hey, I understand...you could always walk..."  
  
"GAR!!!" She ripped some hair out of her head, which immediately grew back because she was too perfect to lose hair. "FINE! YOU CAN BLOODY COME WITH ME!"  
  
"YES! Oh, boys..."   
  
Meanwhile, at the Acolytes hangout...  
  
"ZUT! DIS CAJUN IS GONNA KICK MONSIEUR PYRO'S GLUTEUS MAXIMUS!!!" The scream of everyone's favorite Cajun resounded throughout the Acolyte's house.   
  
"I have no idea where Pyro is, if that's what you wanted to know..." Piotr flipped through a magazine on gardening. (You know, he's the only one that I like to refer to with his normal name...weird.) He had long learned to translate his insane teammate's crazy screaming.   
  
Gambit ran into the room, wearing a fuzzy bathrobe. His hair was wet, seeing as he had probably just finished a bath. "HE STOLE MA UNDERWEAR! AGAIN!" Gambit kicked over a chair. Piotr continued to sip on his herbal tea.   
  
"You know, Gambit, maybe he wouldn't steal you underwear if SOMEONE WOULD DO THE LAUNDRY WHEN IT'S HIS TURN TO DO IT!" Piotr sneered, turning back to his magazine.  
  
"ARG! TU ES BET!" Gambit roared, leaving the room. Piotr shrugged, because he didn't know how to translate the author's lame French. Suddenly, the Russian heard a knock. He didn't care at first, because he was wondering why all the Acolytes had funny accents. He preferred sounding British, because Russian was to hard to write as an accent though in reality he did speak Russian, Gambit spoke with a French accent, Pyro spoke with an Australian accent, Magneto spoke with a weird deep American meets British accent, Sabertooth was Herzegovinian (yikes, I spelled that wrong), and Master Mind...well he was just ugly.   
  
Anyhow, the knock on the door came again, and Piotr actually noticed it. "COME IN!" He screamed, sipping his tea again. The door opened, and BEHOLD, there stood the most beautiful woman that had ever opened the door to this house. Her long, ruby red hair flew in the wind, and she smiled the perfect frown that was accustomed to her gothiness...then she fainted in the doorway.  
  
Piotr ran forward and caught her. He fell immediately in love with her. He brought her in to nurse her back to health. Little did he know, he was carrying evil into the household...  
  
"WHY! WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE ASKED FOR DIRECTIONS???" Mary Sue cried. They had stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere because Mandy got lost. The boys in the backseat sighed, and sat there looking tired. Mandy pulled out a map.   
  
"I was so sure I was going the right way..." Mandy stared at the map, leaning back in the driver's seat. Mary Sue grabbed at it, frowning.   
  
"Mandy...I'm really trying to be nice now. Did it not occur to you that you were looking at a map of Arizona upside down?" Mary Sue asked politely.   
  
"OOOOOHHH...I THOUGHT IT LOOKED A LITTLE FUNNY!!!" Mandy put the map away and pulled out 49 more maps of the other states. "Well now, because I have no clue what state we are in any longer, I suppose I'll have to look at all of them! HEHE!" Mandy giggled. Mary Sue rolled her eyes and jumped out of the jeep.   
  
"I am going to go inside." She turned to look at the boys in the back seat. "COULD ONE OF YOU TRY TO ASSIST THIS..." She struggled, trying to be nice, "...PERSON WITH THE MAPS!" Mary Sue walked towards the gas station store. A neon sign was set atop the door, though only half of it was still lit up. It read: WELCOME TO DIRTY HARRY'S GAS STATION!  
  
Mary Sue grimaced and strode inside the store. It was the lamest gas station store she had ever stepped into. Oh no, it's not like it was small...In fact, it was very big. However, the problem lay in the fact that most of the shelves were empty, and whatever was still there was coated in a six inch layer of dust. Mary Sue walked cautiously towards the candy shelf. She eyed the contents suspiciously. "Mr. Moon's Yummy Chocolate? Chewy's Chewerrific Chocolate Chew? Tobacco flavored lollipops? Pickled pig's tongue?!?"  
  
She turned away in horror. She then sighed in relief when she saw a semi-safe looking coffee machine. She grabbed a semi-clean cup and stuck it under the nozzle. A light brown lumpy liquid came out. Mary Sue bit her lip. Oh well, she could always give it to Mandy. She went towards the counter to pay, but almost fell over when a Sumo wrestler came out of the bathroom. She blinked, but continued on. At the counter sat Dirty Harry himself. He was wearing pants with a million hole in them and a tanktop with huge brown blotched on it. He was really fat and hairy too.  
  
"Welcome to Dirty Harry's, 'ome of the Dirty Coffee an' Candy, can I 'elp ya?" The man said in a horrible hickish accent. Mary Sue slid the coffee over the countertop to show him what she got. Harry rung it up. "At'll be 49.50."   
  
"WHAT? THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING COFFEE I HAVE EVER SEEN, AND YOU WANT TO CHARGE ME 49.50!!!" Mary Sue became all glowy again.  
  
"Well, darlin', you didn't notice, but it says right there on that there darn cup, 'Premium.' That means expensive."  
  
"I WILL NOT PAY THAT MUCH FOR THIS STUPID COFFEE! TAKE THAT, YOU BUM!" She threw it at the ugly man. He frowned at the dripping stuff, and yelled towards the back room.   
  
"Yo, Hefty, get 'er out of here!" Then, a horrible blue giant Boy Scout named Hefty, which was really just a nickname, you see, covering up for his real name which was Shandi Mcallister, came out of the back room and threw Mary Sue out the window. Miraculously, she landed in the Jeep. The evil Boy Scout came out trying to hurt her.  
  
"DRIVE WOMAN! DRIVE LIKE THERE'S NO GIANT BAGELS!"  
  
AN: Yeah, so that's that.... 


End file.
